Just to fuck it up I’m using a photo that was actually taken on a Wednesday but represents how weekend looks like to me.
Every weekend I kind of space out. It’s been the time when I forget that I’m a million miles away from home and I actually feel home. I don’t feel lost, I don’t feel sad, I actually feel hungry and enjoy going out for food. I enjoy going out overall, and feel pretty good coming home exhausted. I now have days when I don’t speak any Portuguese at all – it used to be the other way around, almost avoiding English at any cost – which makes me realize how my English sucks and I feel like getting better at it as the part of me that it represents, instead of hiding it as something that I makes me uncomfortable.
I’m able to forget my phone and all social media. I forget to post stuff even when I do have stuff to post. Less and less digital, I guess I’m more into reality than ever. Someone asked me the other day “do you think your life is better now than it was an year ago?” and that sent me off in a time travel experience. Last year I was missing home like crazy. Missing home is pretty crazy by itself. It’s not something that comes and goes, it’s a constant feeling, actually it’s a constant absence. Absence of the people, places and everything you know, absence of feeling comfortable not only on the outside, but especially with yourself. The weather year is definitely colder than last year – so far – but I’m much more comfortable with it. I guess I have enough to keep me warm inside and out.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying life’s easy now – I slipped on the ice and fell off the bike today! -, but we do have pretty great weekends.